


Coffee Drip

by sadhungryghost



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluffy, M/M, Merry Christmas, cute winter bullcrap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-09-12 13:37:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9074308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadhungryghost/pseuds/sadhungryghost
Summary: Taekwoon doesn't mind working alone, he actually prefers it. That is until Sanghyuk starts working alongside him.





	1. Chapter 1

Taekwoon couldn’t remember when the weather had turned cold. He didn’t remember the morning he traded in his jacket for a winter coat, or when the coffee shop he worked at became a sanctuary. Whatever day that was, was the day winter actually began and Taekwoon’s job could no longer be handled alone. 

People with long walks or no place in particular to be were already lined up in front of the shop. The chilly morning air hadn’t been touched by sunlight yet and Taekwoon’s watch read 5:40 a.m. He wasn’t supposed to open for another twenty minutes. He politely laced himself through a small crowd of recognizable faces and felt around for his keys. He unlocked the front door and squeezed himself through, feeling guilty for making the customers wait longer.

At first, it had been overwhelming, he had worked at the coffee shop for almost two years, but he never worked alone. That changed as employees left, and Taekwoon’s confidence improved. Now, as he looked out the glass panel wall at the customers waiting in the winter snow, he didn’t think he could continue to work alone, at least not during the colder season. There were double the amount of usual customers, and that meant he’d need at least one other worker with him.

Once Taekwoon had everything in order and opened the door to the shop the small pack of people politely shuffled in. They shook off their shoes at the door and quickly sat themselves down at the small café tables. Taekwoon took his position back at the counter and waited as the line formed.

After he served the last customers of the morning he took his free seconds to call the owner. It was a quick call, Taekwoon expressed his concern and without much persuading, the shop owner told him to begin accepting seasonal applications. Of course, it was more work on Taekwoon, but he found reassurance in the trust that his employer had in him. 

 

/

For the last few weeks, Taekwoon had been arriving almost an hour early, setting up by himself. The first day the new hire sign was out was the first day he saw the young man. He looked up and down at the building, probably the first time he’d seen the place before. The boy’s eyes read the overhead sign and looked back at the paper plastered in the window. His face was pink and his earmuffs were the only indication he had planned to leave the house. Taekwoon couldn’t imagine his hoodie held up very well in such low temperatures. He must have been freezing. Before Taekwoon could think much more, maybe offer him a warm coffee, he was gone. 

A few people had asked about the position, but Taekwoon hadn’t been impressed when he interviewed them. He wondered if it was his fault. Maybe he was too off-putting to give the interviews. His lack of words and forward questioning might have been too intimidating. Regardless, he couldn’t imagine anyone who applied working behind the counter with him. 

Later that week as he was opening alone, he saw the boy through the window again. This time the boy came up and pressed his head to the glass. Taekwoon hadn’t flipped the lights yet so the shop probably appeared empty. The boy’s eyes squinted as he cupped his hands around them trying to see through the unlit room. Taekwoon, without much thought, flipped the light switch and watched the startled reaction on the young man. He flew backwards at the unexpected brightness and had to catch his balance as he lost his footing in the snow. Taekwoon had managed to keep a straight face the entire time, feeling too tired to find humor.

The boy collected himself as Taekwoon made his way to the door. Today the boy wore a hat and coat dressing more appropriate for the weather. Taekwoon dried off his hands with the towel that hung over his shoulder and opened the door

The boy greeted Taekwoon with a sweet smile as he looked at Taekwoon trying to hide his nervousness.

“Hello. Do I talk to you about applying?” the boys voice was lower than expected, and he was much taller than Taekwoon had thought from across the room.

Taekwoon nodded and nudged his head signaling him to come inside. He flung the towel back over his shoulder and led Sanghyuk to the counter.

“My name’s Sanghyuk,” The boy said as he reached a hand forward to shake Taekwoon’s. Taekwoon’s response was slow. He examined the boy’s hand outstretched across the counter through sleepy eyes. He must have looked just long enough for Sanghyuk to interpret his stillness as rejection. Sanghyuk looked just ready to withdraw when Taekwoon grabbed it and gave it one firm shake.

“Taekwoon. Have you ever been here before?”

“No, sir, I have not.”

Taekwoon paused at his response. He knew the answer already, but none of the other potential hires had never been to the shop before. 

“And how’d you hear about us?” Taekwoon was now resting his elbows on the coffee counter while the boy stood on the other side. Taekwoon had gotten used to jumping right in. He didn’t have time for call-backs and follow up interviews, and he asked the questions that mattered. It wasn’t the most formal, but it was the most efficient for Taekwoon’s one-man show.

“I was walking past one day.” 

“Why do you want to work here?” Taekwoon’s favorite question.

“I saw the sign, and I’ve been looking for an easy job.”

The response had broken through Taekwoon’s exhaustion, as he flinched at the word. Easy? With an answer like that, he had to wonder if the kid had ever been hired before. Taekwoon didn’t notice he had blurted out a laugh and the boy’s face immediately looked upset. He didn’t say anything, but waited for Taekwoon to continue.

“What makes you think this job is easy?” Taekwoon asked. He surprisingly wasn’t offended by the response, in fact, it would most likely be the only joke he heard today. He wouldn’t have minded telling the boy just how wrong he was. Part of him hoped he’d get a job as a server somewhere else, maybe another coffee shop that had the time that Taekwoon didn’t.

“Isn’t it just pouring coffee in a cup?” Sanghyuk asked as Taekwoon began setting up the equipment. 

“Have you ever made coffee before?” Taekwoon asked, not hiding his lack of patience anymore.

The boy looked thoughtful for a moment, as if he was trying really hard to remember something.

“I can learn.”

“Uh, sorry.” Taekwoon started. He’d never had to tell someone in person so quickly how un-hirable they were. 

The boy’s face fell once again, this time he placed his palms flat on the counter as he leaned over a bit. “Look, just… give me a shot? I can watch you or something. You don’t have to pay me, unless you decide to hire me. I’ll sign whatever you want, and if I break something I’ll pay for it. Just, take down my phone number at least.”

Taekwoon’s expression softened as he looked at the pleading young man.

“We’re a coffee shop. You don’t know how to make coffee.” 

Sanghyuk immediately pulled out a pen from his pocket and grabbed a napkin off the counter. He wrote down his name and phone number and pushed it across the counter to Taekwoon.

“Please.” 

 

/

A separate day that week, Taekwoon was closing when the phone rang. The owner was calling to ask how hiring was going. 

“Taekwoon, I know you don’t want to work with anyone else, but I know you love your job. If you want to keep it, and do what’s best for the shop, I need you to choose a hire. Soon.”

That was all there was to it. Taekwoon knew he couldn’t work alone forever. He hung up the phone with a “yes, boss.” 

It took about an hour to clean up alone, so Taekwoon always managed to get home just as his hunger was becoming unbearable. His feet felt sore, and the lethargic feeling began to dawn on his body the moment he entered his apartment. He lived alone, he worked alone, and tonight he flipped through resumes and shoveled cereal into his mouth entirely alone. Not even an hour had gone by before Taekwoon had fallen asleep on his living room floor, a pile of applications beneath him.

 

The next day was exactly what Taekwoon had feared. One of the coldest days thus far lead to a series of customers coming in clusters. Taekwoon made drinks as quickly as possible, not being allowed the chance to stray far from the counter.

Outside he could hear the wind whistling and the soft sprinkle of snow was beginning to set again. Taekwoon cursed himself for taking the applications home with him. Even in such an emergency he couldn’t think of a person to call. Until, he reached his hand inside his apron pocket. A folded up napkin that had found a home over the past few days.

Taekwoon took out the napkin and laid it flat on the counter as he grabbed the phone. He was already counting all the ways he would regret this.

Sanghyuk answered the other end and without any introduction Taekwoon immediately jumped to the point.

“How do you feel about learning how to make coffee?”

 

Sanghyuk was there in a matter of minutes. He wore a zip up hoodie under his coat and jeans. Similar to what he had been wearing the first day Taekwoon had seen him, but with the added layer. Taekwoon traded him an apron for his coat the moment he walked in. Sanghyuk’s smile thinned when he saw the busyness going on inside the shop. 

“Wash dishes.” Taekwoon instructed, keeping his voice calm. Sanghyuk did, and Taekwoon continued his eight other responsibilities. Sanghyuk was quick, even if he did allow his eyes to roam, the dishes were clean and they were cleaned fast.

“Clean tables.” Taekwoon instructed next as he handed Sanghyuk a towel and some cleaner.

“I thought I was learning how to make coffee?”

Taekwoon felt a small wave of annoyance, but instead of arguing he Just pointed to the small tables around the room that needed cleaning. 

Sanghyuk obeyed with a tinge of frustration. Taekwoon noticed his eyes as they went from table to Taekwoon, table to customer, customer to Taekwoon, and table to window. The boy never stopped moving for long, which allowed Taekwoon to not have to monitor him constantly.

“Done.” Sanghyuk said as he came around the counter. It was about ten minutes till close and the line of customers had vanished. A few people still sat at their table finishing up the last of their drinks.

“Flip the sign on the door to closed.” Taekwoon said as he took a moment to lean on his elbows. The first time today he wasn’t doing something.

Taekwoon watched as Sanghyuk strutted to the door, humming some kind of tune. He wasn’t lazy, and currently that was good enough for Taekwoon. He was cheerful which was good enough for the shop. Sanghyuk had managed small talk with the customers while the line grew at points of the day. He was far better at talking to them then Taekwoon, who didn’t like to break focus often. 

“So, I came in today… you’re not just gonna send me home right?” Sanghyuk said as he came around the counter and mimicked Taekwoon’s pose. Taekwoon thought for a moment.

“You want a job here? Really?”

“Yes.” Taekwoon heard the sureness in his answer. He knew he had been watching him today, which meant he’d seen Taekwoon in action and he knew how fast paced things could get. Taekwoon never wanted to be alone like today ever again.

Taekwoon nodded in the direction of the coffee machine.

“You got somewhere to be?”

The boy shook his head no and a smile formed on his lips.

 

Taekwoon was surprised by how quickly the boy caught on. After all the customers had left, Taekwoon gave him a brief run-down of each machine. Sanghyuk was persistent about learning how to make at least one drink. He needed to learn how to use at least one machine and prepare one drink on the menu. Taekwoon decided to start with just coffee, already anticipating Sanghyuk to mess up something. While Sanghyuk grounded coffee beans he felt guilty about it. Sanghyuk wasn’t dumb and he was an incredibly fast learner.

Taekwoon began counting the drawer and Sanghyuk was sitting next to him watching, sipping the coffee he had just made. Taekwoon had taken a sip, and although it was a bit weaker than Taekwoon liked, it was coffee. Coffee that customers would drink.

“Does this mean I have the job?” Sanghyuk asked finishing off his coffee.

“Please flip the lights off.” Taekwoon said with a sigh as he began to recount the money in his hand.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It means come back tomorrow. If you’re as helpful as you were today, then…”

“Then I have the job.” Sanghyuk finished almost jumping from his stool next to Taekwoon. Sanghyuk’s entire face seemed to sparkle at the idea.

“Training.” Taekwoon said. 

Sanghyuk smiled wide and grabbed his coat. He began to walk away before turning around and handing Taekwoon the apron.

“See you tomorrow,” Sanghyuk said making his way to the door.

“Sanghyuk…” Taekwoon called as Sanghyuk opened the front door. “Thank you.”

 

The next day wasn’t as busy as it was yesterday, which allowed Taekwoon some time to teach Sanghyuk more about serving. Sanghyuk was curious about how everything worked in detail and Taekwoon didn’t mind answering his questions. He was actually surprised at Sanghyuk’s eagerness. For the first half of the day Sanghyuk watched Taekwoon intently as he served customers. For the second half, he asked if he could help Taekwoon make drinks.

He wasn’t bad at preparing drinks; a bit clumsy occasionally, but Taekwoon found interest in watching him learn. Taekwoon was impressed by how much he remembered by the end of the day, and Sanghyuk was quickly proving his seriousness about wanting this job.

“Sanghyuk, have you ever had a job before?” Taekwoon asked casually as he began to count the register.

“Yeah, a few. None this fun.”

Taekwoon wondered what made the job so fun to Sanghyuk. It had taken Taekwoon sometime before he actually enjoyed this job. Secondly, he wondered what the owner would think about him hiring someone like Sanghyuk. He was young, little experience, and had a natural habit of answering questions… wrong.

Through the next week, Taekwoon had been able to teach Sanghyuk the ins-and-outs of the machines. He taught him how to make every drink off their selection board and how to heat the desserts. He also made the call to the shop owner and confirmed Sanghyuk’s employment. The look on Sanghyuk’s face when Taekwoon silently slid the employment papers in front of him one night was priceless. 

 

/

 

“Hey, Taekwoon,” Sanghyuk said one day when he was making one of the drinks “Watch this.”

Taekwoon watched as Sanghyuk did some tosses and catches with the ingredients while he prepared a drink for a customer. He didn’t drop or miss anything and then when he was done he made a cool design pattern over the foam.

“I saw it in a video.” Sanghyuk said as he finished and handed the drink over the counter to a customer.

“A video?” Taekwoon said with a smile. Sometimes Sanghyuk was really cute in ways that made Taekwoon embarrassed for him.

“Yeah, I watched videos about serving drinks.” Sanghyuk said with a cocky grin as if it was the coolest secret he had. 

Taekwoon tried to hide a smile. “Don’t break anything.” Taekwoon poured hot coffee into one of the carry out cups, while Sanghyuk took the next customer.

“No problem, Taekwoonie.”

Taekwoon felt his face warm as he ignored the nickname and grabbed a piece of dessert and a fork, throwing both into a container. 

Sanghyuk was washing off the counter as Taekwoon jogged outside with the coffee and dessert. Taekwoon handed both items to an older woman who sat outside at the bus stop bench. She came often in the same worn clothes, large hat and thick winter coat; just waiting. Taekwoon never really saw her get on any of the buses, and he wondered if she had any place to go. 

Taekwoon didn’t take his coat with him, he just darted right over to her and handed her the offerings with a smile. He placed one hand on her shoulder as she accepted them with gratitude. Taekwoon bowed his head slightly before heading back inside the shop. 

Sanghyuk’s back had been to the window when Taekwoon came back in. He believed that Sanghyuk never noticed. He thought if he had, he would have asked him questions. But today, as he rounded the now clean counter, he saw a small smile tucked away on Sanghyuk’s face.

 

/

“Don’t you take breaks around here?” Sanghyuk asked as he stared Taekwoon’s tired body up and down.

“I’m usually the only one here. I’ve gotten used to not taking them.”

“Well, I’m here now.” Sanghyuk said with a smile that Taekwoon was beginning to find distracting. Everything about Sanghyuk said mischief, he didn’t know why. It just always seemed like there was something too playful in those eyes, or something too charming in his smile.

Taekwoon eyed him suspiciously. 

“What? Don’t you trust me?” Sanghyuk’s smile was replaced with a small frown.

Taekwoon smirked and stood up. “I’ll be back in 15 minutes.” 

Weeks ago, Taekwoon would have never allowed himself to be sent on break. Despite the rascally aura that belonged to Sanghyuk, Taekwoon found himself trusting him rather quickly. Part of him felt like a fool, the other part, the part that was winning, was beginning to grow very fond of Sanghyuk. 

 

When Taekwoon made his way back to the shop he saw the older woman sitting outside on the bench again. In her hand was already a cup and a small dessert container set in her lap. Taekwoon was momentarily flustered realizing how silly he was for believing Sanghyuk didn’t see everything he did. He fought back the twitch of a smile as his heart warmed for Sanghyuk just a smidge more. He walked through the front door, happy to be back in the warmth of the shop. His shop. Although, he couldn’t really call it that anymore, as it was becoming just as much a part of Sanghyuk and so quickly. 

Sanghyuk looked up an eyed the take out immediately.

“That’s a lot for one person.” Sanghyuk said as Taekwoon set the bag on the counter. Taekwoon slid out of his coat and hung it up.

“The one on top is for you.” Taekwoon responded and Sanghyuk was grabbing the top container. Taekwoon laughed at his impatience. Sanghyuk was very vocal about his hunger and Taekwoon would allow him to eat the desserts at the counter but only during the afternoon if customers hadn’t ordered them.

“I like your laugh.” Sanghyuk said with a smile as he took his food and eased past Taekwoon to sit at one of the café tables. The shop was empty except for two people sitting at tables by the window on their laptops. 

Taekwoon grabbed the other container and joined Sanghyuk at the same table. He hated when Sanghyuk said stuff like that, but he was getting better at ignoring it. He figured he really only said it to get a response out of him. That playful charm showing, just to make Taekwoon uncomfortable. 

“The woman at the bus stop…” Taekwoon said as he watched Sanghyuk.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” Sanghyuk said beginning to eat. Taekwoon smiled, the feeling of embarrassment coming again, but this time he wasn’t really sure why.

“Don’t worry, your secrets safe with me.” Sanghyuk added, and Taekwoon could feel their knees touching under the table.

 

/

 

Thing’s had been slow the following week and Sanghyuk decided to fool around with the drip brew. Taekwoon watched with his arms crossed as Sanghyuk examined the coffee drip. He watched as each individual drop landed. His eyes looked heavy as he hunched over in the stool, his head resting in his palms. Taekwoon wondered what Sanghyuk was thinking often, but he had another question that needed to be asked.

“Sanghyuk. I wanted to ask you,” Taekwoon started.

Sanghyuk’s eyes drifted up to look at Taekwoon. And for some reason, Taekwoon feels like he’s getting the chance to meet Sanghyuk all over again. For some reason he sees so much more to Sanghyuk, and like a current of electricity surging through him, he’s never felt the urge to stare at someone quite like this before.

“Were you interested in something more permanent? Not just seasonal.” The words came out of Taekwoon like he was asking a favor. 

Sanghyuk’s face lit up. “Yeah, of course. I love working here.” And Taekwoon felt a relief he wasn’t expecting. And it isn’t until closing that Taekwoon realizes why the question is so important.

“It’s dark, I’ll walk with you.” Taekwoon says, thinking about the ice lining the sidewalks.

Sanghyuk just nods but there’s that smile again.

As they begin walking, Taekwoon feels different. He feels strange for being next to Sanghyuk outside of the coffee shop. He feels like this is the day their relationship has officially graduated into not just co-workers. Of course Sanghyuk was his friend, of course they worked together and got along but there’s something else that’s different. There’s something that drew him out tonight, there’s something different about being around Sanghyuk now. There’s a desire to be here with him, outside of the coffee shop, and Taekwoon can’t explain it, but he knows it’s become important to have Sanghyuk around. And he wants him around. 

The loneliness was lightening up around Taekwoon, and just like the snow that sparkled around them in the darkness, Sanghyuk was pulling apart a darkness that Taekwoon had never realized was a part of his life.

“Hey, Taekwoon? I really like working with you.” Sanghyuk said.

It took a moment for Taekwoon to respond, and the best he was able to offer was the bob of his head, and even though he didn’t say it out loud, he more than liked working with Sanghyuk.

 

/

 

When Taekwoon arrived early at the shop and saw Sanghyuk already inside he was confused. He knew he had a key but what was throwing him off was the large box of colorful nonsense.

“What are you doing?” Taekwoon asked still unable to put it together himself.

“Decorating.” Sanghyuk said from above as he began to pin liners of garland above the windows.

“Why?” Taekwoon asked as he stood behind Sanghyuk and the chair he was standing on.

“It’s called being festive.”

Taekwoon just watched him, not sure when he had started becoming less tired in the morning. Not sure when he became okay with people setting up decorations in his shop. Not sure when Sanghyuk had taken over.

“Are you just gonna watch me or are you going to help?” Sanghyuk said as he turned around looking down at Taekwoon.

Not sure when Sanghyuk had made himself a home inside Taekwoon.

 

/

 

“Try this.” Sanghyuk said as he slid a cup over to Taekwoon. It was filled and topped with a swirl of whipped cream, and a sprinkle of something. Taekwoon held it up and smelled it briefly before taking a sip.

“Mm, this is good,” Taekwoon said nodding his head enthusiastically. Whip cream sticking to his lip.

“Well don’t burn your tongue,” Sanghyuk says with a smile as he starts to wash dishes. Taekwoon took another sip. 

“You don’t have to get those. If you leave now, you might get home before sunset.” Taekwoon said pointing to the dishes. Probably one of the longest sentences Sanghyuk had heard from him.

“Getting tired of walking me home?” Sanghyuk teased, “Nah, I like being here. And, I’m not just saying that.” 

Taekwoon did too, Taekwoon loved being here. He liked Sanghyuk being here with him even more. He liked the team they had built.

Taekwoon continued to drink, noticing how strong it was. The way he liked it.

“We should start serving- whatever this is.” Taekwoon whispered as he dried the dishes Sanghyuk washed.

“No way I made this just for you.” Sanghyuk said with a small wink.

“Teach me how to make it.” Taekwoon said with a gulp, hoping his face didn’t look as hot as it felt.

“Okay, but first,” Sanghyuk said as he reached out a finger and whipped a smudge of whipped cream from Taekwoon’s lip. Taekwoon didn’t have the time to feel embarrassed, because the small drop of whip cream made its way from the tip of Sanghyuk’s finger to his tongue, as he licked it off. The action made Taekwoon choke, and Sanghyuk laughed until his face was almost purple.

 

“Really though, you don’t have to walk me home all the time.” Sanghyuk nudged Taekwoon. Taekwoon didn’t want to explain that he actually liked walking him home. Taekwoon didn’t go out or do much other than work and sleep. He liked having a reason to take a detour on the way home, and he liked Sanghyuk’s company even if it was only for an extra 15 minutes or so.

They usually walked in silence with the occasional hum from Sanghyuk. Taekwoon found those hums getting stuck in his head when he was alone. Tonight was cold. Sanghyuk’s face looked almost painful. His cheeks had gone red within a few minutes and Taekwoon didn’t have anything to help. 

Taekwoon hadn’t been paying attention to the whereabouts of Sanghyuk’s hands until one of them reached out to grab his. His cold fingers were casually trying to lace through Taekwoon’s. At his icy touch Taekwoon instinctively pulled away. He quickly put his hands back into his pockets wondering why they were ever out in the first place. If Sanghyuk was upset or embarrassed, he didn’t show it.

“So what’s the plan for holidays? What do we do?” Sanghyuk finally asked

“Uhm, you don’t have to come in. It shouldn’t be busy.” 

“I have nothing else to do.” Taekwoon found that answer surprising. Coming from the guy who brought in a whole box of decorations for the shop to be festive.

“Your family?” Sanghyuk just shook his head. Taekwoon didn’t want to ask. 

Instead, Taekwoon pulled one hand out of his pocket. Slowly, hesitantly hoping Sanghyuk wouldn’t notice in case he changed his mind. It seemed like a minute had passed before Taekwoon finally reached out for Sanghyuk’s arm. Sanghyuk’s hands had made their way back to his pockets as well. Taekwoon lightly clasped around his elbow, with a slight tug. Sanghyuk eased his hand out of his pocket as they continued to walk. Sanghyuk kept his eyes in front of him, as Taekwoon eyed Sanghyuk’s jacket sleeve. He took his time as he walked his hand down to Sanghyuk’s forearm. Sanghyuk didn’t say anything but Taekwoon could see the corner of his lip flinch up as Taekwoon’s fingers hooked around Sanghyuk’s wrist. He noticed Sanghyuk’s smile as he tried to squeeze his lips together. Taekwoon thought he was going to remove his hand and pretend nothing happened. But then Sanghyuk’s hand opened, waiting. Taekwoon felt his nerves bubbling inside of him as he accepted Sanghyuk’s invitation. He slowly unlocked his fingers and slid his palm into place against Sanghyuk’s. Now Sanghyuk was the one to hesitantly curl his fingers around Taekwoon. He didn’t know why but his heart was racing.

When they got to Sanghyuk’s doorstep Taekwoon wasn’t sure what to do next. They’d been holding hands this whole time.  
Just, detach yourself. Taekwoon thought. Luckily, Sanghyuk was the one to loosen his fingers first and gently pull away. He was smiling. It looked like he was going to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Taekwoon said almost low enough to miss. He began to turn and go, and the smile from Sanghyuk’s face fell slightly.

“See ya.” Sanghyuk said as he began to walk up his steps. Taekwoon felt awkward and gave a final wave before turning and heading off to his apartment..


	2. Chapter 2

Taekwoon knows Sanghyuk isn’t one to think about the meaning of these things. He knows that his compliments and brushes of skin don’t stalk him home like they do Taekwoon. Knowing this only makes Taekwoon want to fall asleep even faster, but he can’t. Hours go by like minutes as Taekwoon tries to force himself to sleep. Taekwoon’s brain seems to be able to link all things back to Sanghyuk and the easy fit of their hands pressed together. A heat that runs between their skin while the cold eats away at their knuckles. His last thoughts before his body finally relaxes into his mattress is of Sanghyuk, and a stream of fear runs through him as he wonders just how in over his head he really is.

The next day neither of them mention anything out of the ordinary. Taekwoon isn’t any quieter than usual, and Sanghyuk is sleepily handling his job. But as expected, Taekwoon can’t manage to ignore Sanghyuk’s presence. As he wipes down tables, as he makes drinks, as he greets customers. Taekwoon feels frozen today, and he thinks it’s lack of sleep, but it might be just that he’s too distracted by Sanghyuk. Distracted in a way he wasn’t before, or at least in a way he has less control over. 

When Sanghyuk is washing dishes next to him, Taekwoon can’t pull his eyes from Sanghyuk’s hands. They’re glistening under light and water and he knows exactly what those hands feel like. 

There was a time Taekwoon could barely tolerate the feel of another person’s skin against his. During his early college years, he had almost grown sick of his friends for their constant affection. Taekwoon imagined that after a few years of being on his own, and the lack of physical encounters, small things seemed more intimate now. Holding hands with Sanghyuk was like being in elementary school again.

“You know, coffee beans aren’t actually beans.” Sanghyuk says drawing Taekwoon’s eyes away from his moving hands.

“What?” Taekwoon isn’t sure if he even heard what Sanghyuk had said.

“They’re not beans. They’re fruit pits.”

Taekwoon receives these facts every now and again. It’s part of Sanghyuk’s charm, and he usually just shrugs, or nods, or ignores them. This time he can’t even think to do that, which is embarrassing because that’s not all that great of a fact.

After a moment of nothing the boy asks Taekwoon if he’s feeling okay. He nods in response, “tired,” he says. Sanghyuk tries to push him to go home early and let him close the shop, but Taekwoon doesn’t accept the offer no matter how good it sounds. Taekwoon thinks about how he could go home, he could try and rest. He could put an end to the walks home, and let time take him back to just coworkers. He could try and get over this infatuation before anything else happens to make it even harder. All of this thinking just makes Taekwoon feel foolish, and he hates that.

Or he could walk Sanghyuk home and hope that he can continue to receive surprise touches that make his heart pound and his face warm. He could walk right into Sanghyuk’s trap set specially for him. An offer so tempting, Taekwoon doesn’t think he really has a choice. So as closing time rolls around they clean up together, and Taekwoon holds the door for Sanghyuk as he follows right behind him, they both make their way in the direction of Sanghyuk’s house yet again.

 

/

 

Later that night, Taekwoon drops his stuff on his kitchen table and takes the deepest breath he’s taken in his whole life. He thinks he might have to lean on something to support himself. For a minute, without anything to divide his attention from his thoughts, he grins and then his grin turns into a full blown smile as he relives the past few hours. An ordinary walk to Sanghyuk’s house, but this time Sanghyuk has thrown a snowball at him. Taekwoon attempts to throw one back, but before he can even fully wind his arm, Sanghyuk has slipped on a patch of ice and lands in a snow bank. Taekwoon immediately goes to help him, but when Sanghyuk reaches out for his hand, Sanghyuk’s strength pulls Taekwoon down with him. Sanghyuk’s laugh is engulfing him and Taekwoon is still stunned. He’s supposed to be mildly upset about being thrown into a snow pile but with Sanghyuk next to him, and his ridiculous laugh, all he can do is let his own small laugh slip out. And another one. Until he’s laughing with Sanghyuk and trying to cover his face.

Sanghyuk’s laugh slowly fades as he watches Taekwoon. Sanghyuk’s eyes look brighter than ever, and Taekwoon tries to smother his laughter quickly noticing how intently Sanghyuk is watching the pull of his eyes and the twist in his lips. Sanghyuk brings his hands to grip Taekwoon’s coat sleeves. His fingers curl around his arms as if he’s holding up a map, and Sanghyuk’s tight eyed smile appears.

Taekwoon barely has time to really understand the look of appreciation Sanghyuk is giving him, or how sore his own ribs are feeling. Once again he is pulled down into the cold mound beneath him.  
Sanghyuk pulls Taekwoon by the shoulders into the snow and then falls back right next to him. It’s strange because although it’s supposed to be freezing, Taekwoon doesn’t want to get up. He wants to stay like that, looking up the dark grey sky, as the fresh snow molds around his body.

“It should be darker than this, right?” Sanghyuk asks. “The sky.” He clarifies. 

It should be darker, but it’s like all the light is bouncing off of the snow and reflecting back into the sky. Lately it’s been feeling a lot less dark for Taekwoon. 

Sanghyuk’s red shriveled hand is laying between them. Taekwoon wants to hold it. And tonight, he does but Sanghyuk has mistaken the action for Taekwoon’s signal to get up and leave. He sits up and waits for Taekwoon to do the same before pulling him up. Sanghyuk wipes at the snow on Taekwoon’s back and they continue their walk to Sanghyuk’s. 

“You should come inside.” Sanghyuk says and the words come out odd. To try and sound more convincing Sanghyuk looks at Taekwoon’s clothes wet from snow. “You’ll freeze at least one body part off if you don’t.” 

Sanghyuk’s house is small and cozy. A little messy, and not too warm, but at least it’s not as empty as Taekwoon’s. Video game controllers sit on the coffee table, speakers and a medium sized television line a wall. A collection of music builds on a shelf next to the thermostat that Sanghyuk is playing with. 

“Sorry it’s a mess.” Sanghyuk mumbles as he adjusts the temperature. “There.” he says, and shimmies his jacket onto the floor.

“You can just drop your jacket somewhere” he adds as he walks around a counter dividing the living room from the kitchen. Taekwoon watches as he pulls two mugs out of the cupboard, and mimics Sanghyuk’s action with his own coat.

“Want a drink?” he begins heating water before given a response

“Tea?” Taekwoon asks and he pulls his hat off too.

Sanghyuk nods and Taekwoon takes a seat on the open couch. He continues to examine the room, no pictures of family, no pictures of friends. Nothing. Even Taekwoon keeps pictures of his niece he receives in the mail, or the friends from college he still keeps in contact with.

“You live alone?” Taekwoon asks over the sound of Sanghyuk shuffling around a few yards away.

“Yeah, no roommates to worry about.” 

Taekwoon finds it funny, but also sad. He doesn’t seem to just live alone, but he lives alone. Sanghyuk never seems to mention anything about family or friends for as much as he talks, and maybe it’s because he lives a lonelier life than Taekwoon thought. 

 

Now, Taekwoon looks around at his own home. There are no games to play, there is no television here. He walks through his own white living room to make his way to the shower. White makes spaces look cleaner, brighter, but also empty. He begins to shed clothes on the way, taking notes on his dull apartment. Sliding out of his shoes, his sweater…   
And that reminds him of his evening at Sanghyuk’s too.

 

While the water is still heating Sanghyuk walks around Taekwoon to sprint up dark steps and returns holding a pile of clothes. 

“Put these on. I’ll dry your clothes.”

Shy Taekwoon was escorted to the bathroom to put on Sanghyuk’s clothes. Even their bathrooms were so different. Sanghyuk kept his clean but not minimal like Taekwoon, nor did it fit any color scheme.   
When Taekwoon exited the bathroom back into the living room, he caught the end of Sanghyuk pulling a t-shirt over his head. The small peak of his lower back was exposed for one or two blinks and then it disappeared beneath white cotton. 

 

As Taekwoon removed the remainder of his own clothes, hours later, in his own bathroom, he thought about what Sanghyuk would think of his bathroom, his apartment. He thought Sanghyuk wouldn’t see the home in it. Taekwoon himself sometime had trouble feel at home here.

He turned on the shower, the only sound in the entire apartment. It was always quiet here. The heat didn’t even seem to makes as much noise as it flowed through the vents. There was never the background music from a video game, or the sound of the dryer that could be heard from another room. Just constant silence to remind you you’re alone. Not like Sanghyuk’s whose little house seemed to talk to you and comfort you... Sanghyuk probably never had bad dreams there.

 

“Wanna play something”

“I don’t play video games; I don’t know how.”

“I’ll teach you.” 

 

Taekwoon re-imagines the feel of Sanghyuk’s thumbs along his hands as he grips a controller for the first time. The same hands that wash dishes, make coffee, and hold Taekwoon’s. As Taekwoon rinses his body under the hot water, and continues to think about hands, his own seem to linger on his skin a bit longer. Everything moves in slow motion as Taekwoon replays movies of Sanghyuk in his mind. He wanted to know how in over his head he was. The answer becomes clear when Taekwoon can feel the water temperature turn cold and he’s still standing there trying to keep these thoughts fresh.

 

/

 

It’s Christmas Eve and Taekwoon sees the light from the shop from down the block. Sanghyuk’s already setting up under warm overhead lamps. Taekwoon wonders if the shop itself is to blame for his infatuation for Sanghyuk. The smell of coffee, one of Taekwoon’s favorite things, always in the air. The way the light hits Sanghyuk and his styled hair reminds Taekwoon of a magazine page. The way Sanghyuk’s sleeves always look wet from the sink. When his white apron hasn’t been tied and it limply hangs from around his neck… 

“I told you, you didn’t have to come in.”

“And I told you I wanted to.”

Taekwoon hangs up his coat and grabs his apron to place over his white button shirt. The question is on the tip of Taekwoon’s tongue, but he knows he’ll never ask it. As desperate as he is to know why Sanghyuk seems to live a life without a history, without an origin, he doesn’t think there’s any right way to ask.

The shop had been it’s typical busy throughout the morning, but as the day went on, Taekwoon and Sanghyuk seemed to be the only ones in the shop.

Sanghyuk had managed to complete four drawings on napkins. He was being quiet or maybe just focused as he watched the lady on the bench today. He’d been the one to deliver her usual coffee and dessert and she was grateful as always. Today, however, Sanghyuk sat with her for a few minutes. Taekwoon watched as Sanghyuk motioned to the coffee shop, but she just shook her head politely.

“What do you think she’ll do tomorrow?” Sanghyuk asked as the stranger continued her sit outside. It was a good question but Taekwoon wasn’t sure how to answer it. He assumed for some people holidays were just days. But Taekwoon understood with his bit of knowledge about Sanghyuk, that it would be that way for him as well.

Taekwoon shrugged. “Maybe this.”

“We won’t even be here. What if it’s too cold? Or she slips or something?”

Sanghyuk finished up his drawing, and moved to the next napkin.

“What are you going to do tomorrow?” Taekwoon asked hesitantly. Sanghyuk smiled and kept his eyes down at his napkin.

“Maybe this.” Sanghyuk joked, but Taekwoon was actually interested. Sanghyuk is drawing a tree. A Christmas tree. As he starts drawing a stick figure beside it, Taekwoon doesn’t catch on right away, until the stick figure is holding a latte and seems to have inherited Taekwoon’s likeness. Taekwoon lightly knocks his knuckles on the back of Sanghyuk’s head and he laughs. 

“Wait I’m not done.” Sanghyuk says scribbling in a Santa hat on top of Taekwoon’s head. Taekwoon slides the napkin in front of him and steals a pen off the counter. Taekwoon draws his best attempt at a Sanghyuk Santa, but Sanghyuk still looks confused by the end of the drawing so Taekwoon adds an arrow pointing to the figure and "Sanghyuk". Sanghyuk immediately begins to laugh.

“I didn’t even know that was meant to be a person!”

Taekwoon does not appreciate Sanghyuk’s response so he slides his arm into his coat as the boy continues to laugh. He grabs the shovel from the back closet and continues to ignore Sanghyuk’s giggles coming from under his breath as he continues to stare at the napkin. Taekwoon is making his way outside to clear the walk way a bit more when Sanghyuk calls his name.

His smile is warm and he asks Taekwoon if he’d like to hangout again today.

“We can play something you might actually win,” Sanghyuk says with a smirk.

Taekwoon already knows his answer will be yes but he thinks it through anyways. Tomorrow is Christmas day and they’ll be closed, so there’s no hurry to get home.

“Maybe.” he says it just to teach the boy a lesson about laughing at his artwork.

 

“So, what’s your plan for tomorrow?” Sanghyuk asks, eyes not leaving the screen as his fingers smash on the controller.

“No plans.” Taekwoon answers trying his hardest not to break focus.

“Me either.” Sanghyuk says before quietly cheering at his triumph. Not like it should matter, he’s been winning the entire time. Taekwoon should have gotten tired of this a while ago. The victory smile fades quickly and Sanghyuk looks tired once again.

Taekwoon lets Sanghyuk get up and switch games from his console. Sanghyuk’s sweatpants all seem to look the same. Taekwoon looks down at the pair he has borrowed and they look exactly the same at the ones Sanghyuk has on.

“Would you want to come over tomorrow?” Taekwoon is the one to ask. 

Sanghyuk looks over at him, seeming shocked. 

"To your place?” Sanghyuk asked, looking for the joke somewhere. Taekwoon nods, trying to sink into the couch.

“I can cook.” he adds.

Sanghyuk smiles, “Say no more. Just write down the address.” Taekwoon feels a bit relieved, and luckily Sanghyuk doesn’t make any more of deal out of it. 

He flops back down on the couch but he doesn’t grab his controller this time.

“This is a one player game. I think you might be good at it, especially now that I know you like cooking.”

“Cooking Mama?” Taekwoon whispers in confusion.

 

At some point Sanghyuk had dozed off, and his shoulder rested against Taekwoon’s. When Taekwoon looked as the sleeping boy next to him he took that as his cue to get going. Trying not to wake him, he slowly lifted himself from the couch. Sanghyuk didn’t move. Taekwoon grabbed his clothes from the dryer and made a quick swap, leaving Sanghyuk’s borrowed clothes in the laundry room across from the bathroom. Sanghyuk was still sleeping as he picked up his coat. Taekwoon remembered to write down his address but he didn’t know where to find paper. He looked on the kitchen table for a blank sheet and a pen but couldn’t find even one. He did however find a stack of letters. They were all addressed to Sanghyuk from someone sharing the same last name as him. Most of them didn’t seem opened. He took a step away feeling guilty.

Taekwoon placed a blanket on Sanghyuk and as he did, Sanghyuk’s eyes fluttered open.

“How sweet,” he grumbled as he laid himself down on his side. Taekwoon lightly blushed in the dark living room, realizing the only light was coming from a lamp on the kitchen table. 

“I need something to write my address on.”

Sanghyuk pointed over to his jacket. “There should be paper or something in my pocket.”

Taekwoon went over and pulled out the folded square. Sanghyuk had already fallen back asleep as he unfolded the paper on top of the coffee table. It was the Christmas tree drawing. An idea popped into Taekwoon’s head, he quickly flipped the napkin and scribbled down his address. He took one last glance at Sanghyuk and headed out the door as quickly as possible, hoping he wasn’t too late. 

 

Buying a Christmas tree on Christmas eve is next to impossible, but Taekwoon is persistent and willing to spend more than he should. Unfortunately, every store that sells fake trees is closed. Fortunately, there’s an outside market down to their last five pre-cut trees. None of them are very nice looking but Taekwoon manages to get a deal because the seller is getting ready to head home and wants to take back as little as he can. He even offers Taekwoon a second one free, but Taekwoon declines.

As Taekwoon straps the tree to the roof of his car that he rarely uses, he realizes the tree is light enough to carry through his apartment building. He also realizes that he doesn’t have a stand to set up the tree. Taekwoon is feeling lucky when he asks the guy who sold him the tree if he also sells stands. He does, but he sells them for full price which Taekwoon thinks might be overpriced. He takes it anyways.

The rest of the night is spent trying to convince himself he isn’t crazy as he lugs an ugly Christmas tree through his apartment.

 

/

 

Everything is ready by the time Sanghyuk arrives. The tree is up, the house is clean like usual, and Taekwoon has spent the morning cooking the things he’s best at making. The entire flat seems warmer and a mix of smells is collecting in the air.

Sanghyuk arrives in a coat, and underneath is a Christmas themed sweater that looks absolutely hideous. The neck is high and there’s small puffs sewn onto the front. Taekwoon pinches the fabric with his fingers and lightly pulls it, posing a silent question.

“You like it?” Sanghyuk asks looking down at his own chest.

“You look funny.” Taekwoon says as he takes Sanghyuk’s coat, giving the younger a moment to take in his apartment. 

“This is nice.” Sanghyuk tells Taekwoon, “And whatever you cooked smells great.”

Taekwoon appreciates the manners Sanghyuk has put on but before he takes Sanghyuk to the kitchen, he plans to lead him around the hallway. He tells him to close his eyes as his hands guide Sanghyuk by the shoulders.

“What are you doing?” the boy whines, afraid of Taekwoon’s surprise. He mumbles about not accepting gifts but Taekwoon just shh’s him as continues to lead him until the tree is in view.

“Open.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes open and continue to stretch along with his jaw. He starts to giggle after a second,

“There’s no decorations,” he says with a wide smile. Taekwoon knew there was something spectacularly unimpressive about this tree… 

“I put it up last night. I don’t have any decorations”

“No, no, Taekwoon this is great. I love it. Last night?”

Sanghyuk looks genuinely excited and begins to pat his pocket and pulls out the Christmas napkin that has Taekwoon's address scribbled on it. He scans the room until he eyes the stapler on Taekwoon’s desk. He holds up the Napkin to the tip of a thin branch and staples it there.

“There. See? perfect.” he says satisfied. Taekwoon smiles and fights the urge to put his arm around Sanghyuk as he stares up at his work.

 

After they’ve finished eating Taekwoon believes it’s time to take the dessert out of the oven. Sanghyuk seems ready for whatever smell has been distracting him. But as soon as Taekwoon pulls the pan from the oven there’s a knock on the door that can barely be heard over the music they have playing. 

Taekwoon is surprised and just as confused as Sanghyuk when he hears the knock again. He thinks it must be a mistake until he hears the loud familiar voices of Wonsik and Jaehwan.

Taekwoon does his best to hide his annoyance, at least in front of Sanghyuk as he opens the door. Jaehwan has begun serenading Taekwoon with his eyes slightly closed and his mouth open wide, and Taekwoon has the slightest urge to punch him.

“We knew you’d be here,” Jaehwan coos as he throws an arm around Taekwoon. Wonsik stood behind him holding whatever joint gift they had brought. 

Jaehwan and Wonsik were two of Taekwoon’s college friends. They lived together and occasionally visited Taekwoon when they were in the area. He should have expected to see them, they usually came around on the holidays at least once, but usually with the courtesy of a phone call. 

Sanghyuk must have come into view at some point, because both boys looked up around Taekwoon.

“We didn’t know you’d have company,” Jaehwan says apologetically.

“Well, that’s usually why people call first. Sanghyuk, this is Wonsik and Jaehwan, they’re friends from college. This is Sanghyuk we work together.”

Jaehwan and Wonsik bow their heads politely in Sanghyuk’s direction. He bows back with his hands in his pocket and an awkward smile.

“Yeah, relax we’re just dropping your gift off,” they say to Taekwoon;

“It’s nice to meet you,” they say to Sanghyuk as they take in his sweater. 

“You too,” Sanghyuk says and then turns back to Taekwoon, “I’m gonna get going…”

Taekwoon’s face falls a little as he lightly grabs Sanghyuk’s wrist and ask him if he’s sure. 

Sanghyuk nods saying he should get home before it gets too dark. Taekwoon hands him his jacket and Sanghyuk politely walks around Jaehwan and Wonsik as they step inside.

Taekwoon closes the door, slightly more irritated now. He’s not entirely sure why Sanghyuk left so easily, but would like to blame the arrival of Wonsik and Jaehwan.

“Taekwoon and a friend?” Jaehwan whispers as he lightly places a hand on Wonsik’s shoulder. 

“It’s a Christmas miracle.” Wonsik says from behind the box. Taekwoon rolls his eyes and uncrosses his arms.

“Where’s Hongbin? Have you already bothered him?” Taekwoon asks as he takes the present from Wonsik’s hands.

“Nope, we’re on our way there next.” Jaehwan says now leaning his chin on Wonsik.

“What smells so good?” Wonsik asks Taekwoon.

Without words, Taekwoon turns to enter the kitchen curling his finger to summon Wonsik.

“We’re supposed to eat at Hongbin’s,” Jaehwan sings as he walks through Taekwoon’s living room instead. “And, Taekwoon, if you want to join us Hongbin invited you too.” 

Taekwoon is handing Wonsik a plate and silverware in exchange for the gift box when Jaehwan squeals from the living room. The tree. Taekwoon immediately darts out, Wonsik following after him with a plate of pie. He hopes that Jaehwan didn’t get a chance to see the napkin. Unfortunately, that’s exactly where his eyes are.

“Taekwoon! Tell us more about this Sanghyuk.” he says raising his eyebrows. 

“Knock it off.” Taekwoon says. Wonsik looks at the napkin too just before Taekwoon pulls it off the tree and tucks it into his pocket. Wonsik is more focused on his pie to really react to the note anyways, but he whispers to Jaehwan not to get Taekwoon in a bad mood. 

“Okay, okay,” Jaehwan says, “Just open your gift so we can get going. Are you coming with to Hongbin’s or not?”

Taekwoon answers no and goes to grab the present to quickly unwrap it. Wonsik stood with his empty plate and one arm around Jaehwan, still wrapped up in their outerwear. 

“What is this?” Taekwoon asks as he pulls apart the box.

“The same thing you get every year?” Wonsik mumbles, followed by Jaehwan’s elbow forced into his rib.

“A coffee machine?” Taekwoon asked 

“It’s a really expensive coffee machine that makes specialty drinks.” Jaehwan says using some kind of foreign accent.

“Why are you talking like that?” Wonsik asks with brows furrowed.

“Because it’s French!... or Italian. Or something...” Jaehwan says looking at Wonsik for help.

“It’s not French.” Wonsik says with a small voice and a little smile. 

“Either way, now it’s yours. Now you can make the same drinks you make at the shop from home.”

“Thanks,” Taekwoon smiles. Every year Wonsik and Jaehwan get him a machine to add to his collection. He’s not sure why, but the thought is nice. If there is any thought, he wonders. It seems as though the only thing that associate with Taekwoon is coffee, which shows just how much of a life Taekwoon has anymore. 

“So is Sanghyuk like your boyfriend or something?” Wonsik asks as he helps Taekwoon put food away.

“He’s my friend.” Taekwoon states firmly.

“That’s weird,” Jaehwan starts from across the kitchen, “because we’re your friends, for six years. Wonsik, when was the last time we actually got invited over for Christmas? To eat a three-course meal that Taekwoon cooked himself?”

Wonsik shook his head. “Don’t forget the tree,” he says, “Taekwoon hasn’t decorated a day in his life and there’s a tree in his apartment.”

Jaehwan bobbed his head up and down. Taekwoon tried to ignore them as he continued to clean up the kitchen.

“It’s okay if you’re not dating, but at least buy him a new sweater,” Jaehwan added, which made Taekwoon want to kick him.

“Go visit Hongbin. Please.” Taekwoon pleaded to Wonsik, with a no joke stare.

Wonsik nodded, sharing smiles with Jaehwan. “Okay, but if you really want to win him over, save him some pie.” 

 

After the other boys had left, Taekwoon decides to walk to Sanghyuk’s. In his mitted hand, a plate of pie with plastic wrap around it. It had gotten dark by the time he arrived on Sanghyuk’s front porch. The only thing he can see on his barely lit street is the cool glow from the television. He hesitates to knock because he wonders if Sanghyuk is asleep, or if it’s smart to see him twice in one day anyways. But he does, and the door is answered quickly.

Sanghyuk’s hair is messier than it was not too long ago and he’s already slipped out of his ugly sweater. When he opens the door to the cold evening air, his body immediately hunches in.

“Taekwoon?” he says with a soft voice. 

“You left before you got any.” Taekwoon holds the pie up more clearly.

Sanghyuk smiles and motions for Taekwoon to come in.

A cup of tea sits on the coffee table next to a remote controller, the same blanket Taekwoon had place on Sanghyuk the other night is balled up where Sanghyuk normally sits. As Taekwoon falls into the couch, Sanghyuk is already in the kitchen making more tea.

“You didn’t have to leave those were just some friends form college.”

“I know, but… I don’t know… I just felt like being alone for a little.” Sanghyuk says as he waits for the water and pulls out a fork from a drawer.

“Do you want me to leave?” Taekwoon asks as he watches Sanghyuk make his way for the pie.

“No,” Sanghyuk answers, “being alone doesn’t seem to help all that much. Plus, you walked all the way here.”

It’s quiet for a little, as Sanghyuk stands and eats his pie. Once the water is finished he takes a moment away from his plate to bring Taekwoon his tea and compliments his food once again.

“If you need to talk, I’d like to listen.” Taekwoon offers, noticing the trance like stare on Sanghyuk’s face.

“I know, you always listen.” He says this sitting across from Taekwoon. Sanghyuk stops for a moment and it’s unclear if he will speak or not. 

“My family and I, we never got along. It’s a whole mess.” Sanghyuk begins between mouths of pie.

Taekwoon nods sipping his hot drink, and watching the younger boy carefully.

“Anyways, I left a year ago. I changed my number, and everything. Unfortunately, my cousin had to ship me a few things so my parents got a hold of my address. They think they can make things right, but I’m already out. I had to spend my entire savings, and when I moved here I was pretty desperate for a job. Anything. And I really needed someone I could talk to… things to get my mind off of everything.” Sanghyuk cleared his throat and set his plate down on the table. He wasn’t making eye contact with Taekwoon, but rather looking everywhere all at once. 

“I’ll spare you the details, but the last day I saw my family was the day before Christmas. So, I was all happy, fooling myself into thinking things would go smoothly since Christmas is my favorite holiday. But, everything fell apart. After that, I was just floating my way around until I ended up here. I try not to give myself a chance to notice how lonely it is but sometimes there’s not much to do.”

Sanghyuk finally looked up at Taekwoon, whose eyes had been on him this whole time. His eyes were intense and sincere.

“So thank you.” Sanghyuk finally said, and Taekwoon understood. But when Sanghyuk’s eyes didn’t fall away this time, Taekwoon reached for his tea again. Sanghyuk didn’t shy away though. His eyes were still on Taekwoon and there was heat in them burning through Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon, can I try something?” Taekwoon looked up at him confused, his brows coming together. Sanghyuk stood up from the chair and came over to Taekwoon on the couch. Taekwoon looked up at him as Sanghyuk gently pulled the mug out of his hands.

“Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon started but then the boy was lightly tipping Taekwoon’s chin back, looking him in the eyes. He was nervous, and his fingers gave him away as they shook under Taekwoon’s chin. The touch, the heat in Sanghyuk’s eyes, all should have been a giveaway.

“I want to kiss you.” 

Taekwoon was silent his lips just barely opened as he looked at the boy tipping his head back. “Taekwoon?” Sanghyuk said leaning down to be at eye level with him. 

Taekwoon thought he had nodded, he thought maybe he’d responded, but the question had left him so stiff all he could do was close his eyes. Expecting a light peck, he waited for Sanghyuk’s lips to touch his. He could feel breath grazing his skin until it became the warmth of Sanghyuk’s skin. Lips were lightly pressing on his. Taekwoon didn’t bother to move at first, not anticipating Sanghyuk’s lips to stay there. But they did. They pressed a bit harder to Taekwoon’s lips and it sent tingles through his body that made him feel light headed. At some point Taekwoon imagined his head was just floating in space against Sanghyuk’s lips, the rest of his body becoming nothing. 

Sanghyuk stuck to Taekwoon’s bottom lip as he lightly sucked at it before pulling away. Taekwoon opened his eyes slowly, to see Sanghyuk’s who’s hand lightly grazed Taekwoon’s jawline until it was pressed to the back of his neck. His face didn’t retreat any farther, and it was clear he didn’t want to stop. 

Granting his wish, Taekwoon took a stuttered lean forward and Sanghyuk did the same. This time their eyes wavered shut at the same time and their lips touched once more, slowly, easily. Taekwoon was the one to press his lips to Sanghyuk’s a bit harder, noticing the leftover taste of apple pie.

Sanghyuk must have been holding his breath, because the moment he exhaled Taekwoon had just become aware of it. He could hear it now, feel it.

He lightly began massaging Sanghyuk’s bottom lip between his own, parting his top and bottom slowly and allowing a bit more saliva to lubricate the motion. Sanghyuk’s hand had gotten stronger on Taekwoon’s neck. Taekwoon wasn’t sure what he wanted to do with his own hands. He wasn’t even sure if he thought this was a good idea, but he didn’t stop kissing Sanghyuk. 

Both of their breaths were gaining weight as they fell heavy on each other’s skin. When Taekwoon finally lifted his hand to Sanghyuk’s side, Sanghyuk’s was moving to Taekwoon’s hair. Taekwoon didn’t think it through as he put both hands on Sanghyuk’s hips and pulled him down a little. Sanghyuk’s body complied and in a quick attempt to not lose his balance he placed his knees on the couch and brought himself down in Taekwoon’s lap. 

Part of Taekwoon told him he should stop this before things get any farther, but then Sanghyuk brought himself closer to Taekwoon, farther up his lap, and it was too late. Taekwoon released a small whine, as Sanghyuk seated himself into Taekwoon more comfortably. Sanghyuk chuckled, that sounded dark between his panting. The pressure and heat from Sanghyuk’s body as he settled on top of Taekwoon gave him chills and there was no way to hide the desire Taekwoon had building inside of him. 

After a few minutes Sanghyuk began shifting around on top of him as their lips and tongues roamed each other’s. Taekwoon finally found the strength to grip Sanghyuk’s waist and lift him off.

“We should stop.” Taekwoon said as he slid out from under Sanghyuk. His face was flushed and he could feel his heart struggling to slow down. Sanghyuk looked disappointed and confused as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he began but Taekwoon was already gathering up his stuff. “Did I misread this?”

Taekwoon shook his head and tried to breathe. “No, you read it right. I just- I have to go,” Taekwoon said as he quickly pulled his jacket on

“I- I really like you.” Sanghyuk choked out

Taekwoon paused where he stood trying to make his way to the door, not entirely sure why he was doing it anyways. Don’t turn around. The words though. The words Sanghyuk had spoken; words he wanted to hear. Words he would love to kiss Sanghyuk to… but they couldn’t stop Taekwoon from leaving.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”


	3. Chapter 3

Merry Christmas. 

Taekwoon can feel his heart bouncing around inside him with each step. He wishes he could think clearly. Stop moving, and think for a minute. Every part of him would rather be back at Sanghyuk’s kissing in his living room, and yet here he is. The leftover taste of Sanghyuk still coating his mouth, as he stops beneath an isolated lamp post.

Realizing a little too late that he left his gloves back at Sanghyuk’s, he cups his hands around his cracked lips and breathes out warm air. Pacing beneath light that seems just out of reach, part of him can’t accept the reality of what has just happened. For the brief moment he does, he feels unbearably stupid. 

It doesn’t take long for pain to run through the joints in his fingers, making them stiff and dry. It doesn’t matter though. There’s a tense, nauseating feeling inside that overcomes all other feelings. His aching knuckles are nothing compared to the hot, liquid feeling in his stomach. He just keeps repeating that he’s the guy who walked out of Sanghyuk’s house on Christmas. 

Sanghyuk kissed him, and he kissed him back. Their mouths were pressed together, their bodies touching like never before. The idea that they allowed each other to be that close, sent electricity through Taekwoon’s body. But underneath that sensation was something painful.

Taekwoon is standing out on the freezing city streets, and something that may have been eating away at him for years is standing there with him. The wind seems to pick up, urging him to turn around, but the thing that’s been hugging onto him all these years is keeping him in place. The loneliness that has been so ingrained into Taekwoon’s very existence.

Words circulate through Taekwoon’s head and they barely hold any real meaning. They’re all possibilities, and imagination. But what if…. What if? 

Sanghyuk has been the only good thing to happen in a long time… he’s the only thing to happen period. Taekwoon hasn’t had a life. His closest friends give him the same gift every Christmas because their uncertain of Taekwoon’s interests, if he even still has any. Sanghyuk knows what it’s like to live with your loneliness, sure, they have that in common, but it wasn’t his choice. It was always Taekwoon’s though. 

And What if…

What if this is Sanghyuk distracting himself from being alone? Taekwoon thinks back to the game console in Sanghyuk’s living room, and about the decorations in the shop, and about the first day he begged for a job there. What if this is Taekwoon taking on a responsibility that he doesn’t want? Taekwoon doesn’t want to be a distraction for anyone.

All questions seem simple; all thoughts seem rational. Yet, these thoughts have brought him here. Taekwoon looks around and sees no one. 

Sanghyuk is worth taking a chance on right? But it’s not that easy when the question you’re really asking is, am I ready to take the chance?

Taekwoon wants to say yes. He can’t imagine saying no, not when Taekwoon can’t get the feel of Sanghyuk’s skin out of his mind. Two lonely people who find friendship and a spark of something they haven’t had in a while. Maybe. But there’s a reason for that right? A reason why that spark exists between them. A reason why he let tonight happened… 

 

/

 

It's all for nothing, when Sanghyuk doesn’t show up the next morning. Taekwoon calls, he calls, and he calls. Sanghyuk doesn’t return any, and he doesn’t come in. Taekwoon is concerned, but by the next day when Sanghyuk isn’t seen or heard from again, he’s not just worried but regretful. But by the third day, Sanghyuk is still a no-show, and Taekwoon is just irritated.

The shop is more than busy on that third day, and closing seems to take forever. His frustration gets the best of him and before he can talk himself out of it, he’s standing on Sanghyuk’s doorstep knocking with frozen knuckles. He stands there on those concrete steps and waits until he is certain no one is coming to the door. Taekwoon immediately feels defeated as he turns to leave. The walk back to his apartment is a quiet one, and Taekwoon wonders what his life would have been like if he was… different. If he liked parties, if he called his friends more, if he decorated for holidays…

Taekwoon’s never had these thoughts before. He’s been comfortable… that means happy, right? He’s been content, he’s gotten where he should be. This is who he is. How can he be wrong for that? He doesn’t have to explain who he is to himself, so why can’t he stop analyzing? Taekwoon knows. 

Sanghyuk is the one who needs the explanation.

 

And the next day, and the next day things seem to go the same way. This goes on without any returned calls until a week has passed and Taekwoon curses Sanghyuk under his breath as he shovels the front of the shop without his gloves once again. The snow is annoying now, the cold is miserable. Taekwoon has had enough but his peak of anger always hits him when the day is moving slowly and he’s standing there behind the counter without Sanghyuk carrying on their usual routines. Tossing out facts, scribbling on napkins, making drinks for him, sharing lunch. Taekwoon hasn’t had a break in a week, and he’s feeling that thing he hasn’t felt for a while, and never this strong. He misses Sanghyuk. 

So he walks himself back to Sanghyuk’s, this time he’s got gloves. And this time, he’ll wait on Sanghyuk’s front porch until he gets an answer. He knocks, waits, knocks, sits, paces, and repeats. He’s not sure how many minutes have gone by but he looks up at some point and he sees the familiar shape of Sanghyuk walking up the street. The sun is setting and the street lights have already turned on. Sanghyuk is carrying bags of groceries. And Taekwoon stands as Sanghyuk gets closer. Finally seeing the face he’s missed puts flutters in his abdomen, and he feels embarrassed by his own emotion. 

“Hey.” Taekwoon is first to say.

“Hey.” Sanghyuk answers, barely audible. He isn’t happy to see Taekwoon, and it’s clear.

“You haven’t come to work. Are you sick?”

Sanghyuk looks pained momentarily as he rolls his eyes and drops his shoulders. “uh, look, I… I’ve been thinking about looking for a new job.” Taekwoon thinks this must be a joke for a split second. A very cruel joke.

“What?” 

“Don’t get mad,” Sanghyuk says keeping his eyes away from Taekwoon.

“You didn’t call. You didn’t show up… why? Why a new job?” Taekwoon starts off quietly, but he can’t help his voice from raising slightly. The flutters in his stomach fall hard, and it feels more like concrete hardening inside him. Taekwoon hadn’t expected this, and now he feels entirely lost. He has no say, he has no control over the situation. He just wants Sanghyuk to take back those words.

Sanghyuk sighed. His entire body read uncomfortable, but Taekwoon didn’t back down.

“You love the shop.” Taekwoon stated firmly.

“It’s just better…” Sanghyuk began.

“You love the shop!” Taekwoon interjected again

“You’ll find someone else to hire.”

“It’s not about that!” Taekwoon says loudly, and it’s not. Taekwoon’s talking about Sanghyuk leaving the shop, but the feelings are about Sanghyuk leaving him. There’s a tightness in his throat and he thinks he might be suffocating for a moment. He’s choked on his own feelings, and the only thing to do is walk away. But not soon enough. Not before, Sanghyuk unknowingly destroys him with his last words. 

“I don’t want to work with you anymore. Okay?” He says it so calmly. It was truth.

There’s a silence as Taekwoon lets the words sink in. He swallows hard. 

“So you’re quitting.” And it’s not a question, and Taekwoon is already walking away before Sanghyuk can say anything else. 

Maybe Taekwoon’s never felt real loneliness. As he walks home he thinks, being alone is a choice; being lonely isn’t. Being alone is when you walk away… being lonely, is when you’re the one waiting. A few drops fall on the way home, fighting harder to be released then held in. Taekwoon wonders what Sanghyuk felt when Taekwoon left on Christmas, and if it’s comparable to what he feels now.

 

/

 

A few more heartbreaking days go by and Taekwoon feels sorry for himself until he finally pulls out the old applications he stashed away. It brings back memories, not important ones, just the same feelings and thoughts that he had a couple months ago. He looks down at the papers, and it’s weird to try and not think about Sanghyuk. The shop is closed, and the drawer is counted, but Taekwoon still sits behind the counter with the lights on. He doesn’t want to go home, at least not yet.

He’s startled for a minute when he hears the front door open, and looks up to see who other than Sanghyuk. Taekwoon’s heart melts for a moment.

“We’re closed” Taekwoon says coolly.

Sanghyuk seems immediately turned off by his tone, “I know.”

Taekwoon looks back down at the stack of papers and waits for Sanghyuk to speak again.

“I came to drop off my key. And I found your gloves,” he says holding both forward as he approaches the counter. Taekwoon doesn’t lift his head.

“Taekwoon, I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” He says with narrowed eyes. Sanghyuk flinches a bit, at the bitterness.

“How do you not get it?” Sanghyuk says in a high pitched voice.

“Because there’s nothing to get. I couldn’t give you what you wanted, and now you’re just going to leave.”

“You just got up and left! I wasn’t asking for anything. That was probably the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me!” Sanghyuk says loudly.

Taekwoon glared at him. He held in his apology this long…

“well I clearly shouldn’t have let it get that far”

… and he wasn’t feeling particularly sorry anymore.

Taekwoon picks up the key, and adds “clearly I made the mistake here.” 

Taekwoon puts the key in his pocket. He can feel the pain again- sadness, loneliness. Longing for a person who’s standing right in front of him. This is the last thing he’s ever wanted. Saying goodbye to Sanghyuk. Especially like this.

Sanghyuk’s turning to walk away with a look that seems as broken as Taekwoon feels. Taekwoon has to hold back the lump in his throat again, but Sanghyuk isn’t giving up so easily. Turning around stomping his way back to the counter, his eyes are glossy too. Taekwoon is stunned when he slaps his hands on the counter.

“Why’d you leave?” Sanghyuk’s voice is almost a growl, but it cracks at the end. Like the lumps in his throat too. “Huh? Why’d you have to do all that stuff for me? Why would you act like you care?”

Taekwoon can’t speak, if he does, he knows he won’t be able to control himself. He can feel his throat twitching. He just shakes his head refusing to break, telling himself that he doesn’t need Sanghyuk. That it doesn’t matter. That its better this way. That it’s better to be alone. That he won’t miss Sanghyuk.

“I wasn’t asking for anything more than you were.” Sanghyuk says lowly. He’s turning this time. He's walking away for good and Taekwoon knows it. But he can’t force himself to say anything. He wants to stop him. He can feel his last chance slipping away with each step Sanghyuk takes, until his hand is on the door.

“Don’t go,” Taekwoon whispers, and his lips are trembling. “Sanghyuk, don’t go. Please, don’t go.” Taekwoon can’t move, his body won’t move. And Sanghyuk is still leaving.

“Don’t go” he repeats louder. Sanghyuk’s not stopping. Taekwoon is sucking in air, watching Sanghyuk leave and something finally clicks.

“Sanghyuk.” He finally says loud enough, finally able to pick up his feet. Sanghyuk is one foot out already when he turns around. 

“Don’t go.” Taekwoon says again. “Please, don’t go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHH! so, sorry about the ending! I know it might not have the kind of closure you like. it is a a bit ambiguous BUT it was my intention for it to be happy-ambiguous. meaning they 100% love each other and are boyfriends. thanks for reading and i really hope you enjoyed it! always leave comments and i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday/winter :)


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